It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high
– I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Story time, I met a guy through Twitter around mid 2015. I’d been 6 months out of a long term relationship prior to this, which had ended in a very devastating fashion for me. 2014 and 2015 were just horrendous for me in general, but I digress.
Myself and this person had exchanged a few tweets while I was in said relationship, but we really got closer, or so I thought we did post after the breakdown of the aforementioned relationship.
He sent me a private message and from there we exchanged numbers. We talked for a while, I ended up really liking who I thought he was.
We wound up texting for a year, he was super sweet towards me, we wound up deciding to be in a relationship. I’d get good morning texts each day, I’d start my day reading “good morning, gorgeous. “How’s my girl today?”. After the cruel way my former boyfriend ended our relationship, this was such a lovely change of pace, although deep down, I didn’t trust him fully. I was right not to.
Without warning one day, I was blocked, he wouldn’t reply to me, it hurt and I found myself constantly checking my phone. Whenever I heard a notification from my phone I would excitedly reach for my phone and my heart would sink when it would be anyone other than him. He did come back into my life briefly, but then cut me off, once again. That was the last I heard from him, I honestly couldn’t care less now but at the time? It felt as if my world had crumbled again, I lost my boyfriend and now this guy who I thought cared about me.
It was a chaotic few months after that, I did not look after myself at all. I didn’t eat, I was constantly dehydrated, I barely slept and to sleep, I would increase my medication dosage just to sleep, it would make my heart beat feel shallow and my whole body would feel heavy. I put my own health at risk because of how someone made me feel, that is something you should never do!
I survived and I am now in a very stable relationship with a very wonderful man, Ben has done so much for me, I can’t imagine my life without him.
Here are some of the things I did to survive the pain that I was feeling at the time. Please keep in mind, that this is a marathon and not a sprint. What works for me might not work for you.
Focus on a hobby/find a new hobby
I felt like I was stuck in a rut, I had made this person my world. I felt like I needed those texts throughout the day, I’d wake up early to see them. Without them, I felt I had nothing to wake up for.
I actually started this blog because of that incident and another incident with another person after seeing how much my best friend’s blog helped her cope with her struggles.
I have been overwhelmed myself with the blog many times, I often tell myself I need to post daily and my work would have to look very professional. If you start something like this, do not expect too much of yourself and do it for fun, Views and likes are great, but shouldn’t be the reason you start something like this.
Reach out to loved ones
One of the best things I ever did was spend time with my friends, it felt nice to be away from my thoughts for a while. I would go up to visit my friend and his mother, go see my best friend and her kids, go out into the city to play pool. They supported me through the rough time, and they helped me reinforce the idea in me that one person does not define my worth.
Go for a walk
I know chances are you won’t feel like doing this, but it honestly helped me. The same 4 walls will start feeling like a prison eventually, I used to go to the local park and walk around for a few hours a day.
I would feel anxious at first, but over time it felt natural. Playing Pokémon Go was a great help to me too.
Fresh air can honestly do wonders for the soul.
You can get through it, I promise.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day, what’s lost can be found
– Stand in the Rain by Superchick
Photo by Cristian Dina on Pexels.com
Thank you for your time, I post mental health posts every Monday. You’re always welcome here.